Strangelove: or Scenes from misadventures in romance

I went speed dating, and this happened:

At the end of the event, a guy approached me; I hadn’t noticed him before, because he hadn’t been participating in the speed dating.

He asked me if I’d had a good time, then leaned in closer and quietly told me  I own this place, indicating the bar around us, pick any girl you like, I’ll make it worth your while if I can watch, I have a room upstairs.

Hardly believing my ears, I politely declined and walked away into the night, alone.

Then I went speed dating again, and this happened:

One of my good friends had a traumatic break-up from a long-term relationship, and what better way, I thought, to cheer him up  than to go speed dating?

So he, myself and a mutual friend went together.

As we walked into the venue, who should we see there but his ex-girlfriend.

He turned very pale, went to the bar and downed two swift drinks. To his credit, he stayed, and we endured the excruciating torment when each of us had to spend four minutes with his ex-girlfriend.

When I lived in Japan, I tried to date a Japanese teacher.

During our dinner date we were laughing and having a good time. She wasn’t responding to my flirting though, and when I asked if she would like to go on another date, she said she didn’t understand. I thought perhaps there was some cultural misunderstanding.

There was an awkward silence, and then she said foreigners have many girlfriends. So, I was rejected. After she left, I threw the bunch of flowers I was going to give her into the bin.

Inappropriate chocolate

Another Japan story: during a lesson that I was teaching at an elementary school, the class homeroom teacher passed around some chocolates for the children to eat, which apparently had something to do with Valentine’s Day.

Nothing wrong with that, I hear you say.

However, I didn’t know how to react when I saw that the chocolates were in the shapes of dicks and boobs. The children giggled as they ate them, and watched me intently, to see which one I would take from the jar.

To be on the safe side, I ate one of each.