Prostate Probes & Other Misunderstandings

Next month my doctor is sending me to have a cystoscopy.

I thought it meant that I’ll have a camera put up my bum, so doctors can have a look around.

I was imagining a massive Polaroid camera that they’ll insert up there, only for it to get stuck, and then every time I fart a photo will come out.

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Image: Pixabay

But apparently, that’s not how a cystoscopy works, but it would make for a funny story, right?

This all began before Christmas when I was experiencing pain in one of my testicles. My doctor performed some tests, and found traces of blood in my urine. He prescribed antibiotics.

A few weeks later I had to provide another urine sample, and there were still traces of blood in it.

My doctor performed a prostate check, which for the uninitiated, means he had to stick his finger up my bum. It would be very easy to insert (so to speak) a joke here, you know, I wouldn’t have minded if he’d asked me first, but I’ll try to restrain myself.

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Believe me, a photo of underwear is better than a photo of my bum

I had to pull my trousers and underwear down, obviously, then lie on my side on the examination table, with my knees tucked up to my chest, to allow the, er, area to be accessible.

He said my prostate felt fine, and then a subsequent blood test also came back fine, but he said because of your age – I’m 43 – I’m going to refer you to the urology department at the hospital. 

And, so, that is why I am going to have a cystoscopy, which, by the way, means sticking a camera in my dick and up my urethra to look inside my bladder.

I guess if that camera gets stuck up there, it would bring a whole new meaning to the phrase selfie stick.

I’ll let you know how it goes… presumably selfies aren’t allowed?

14 comments

  1. Oh geez. I feel (pardon the pun) for you Matthew. I hope everything works out ok for you. I don’t mean to probe (lol), but if I can extend anything (hahhaha), it will be that I hope you exam works out ok. Now I don’t want to stick my nose in where it’s not wanted, but I do feel like reaching out. Would it be too invasive (lol) to suggest that you blog your procedure, with pictures, and diagrams etc? Lastly, if you needed a mate to hold your urethra, or prostate, or your hand when going through the procedure – you may want to call someone else! Good luck, sincerely.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ouch! Sound very painful. I to have an colon exam with a camera up my bum
    made worse by the Doctor inviting his Doctor friend in for a second opinion and they talked about their golf game while probling my innards with a camera. Will keep you in my prayers.

    Like

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