Next month my doctor is sending me to have a cystoscopy.
I thought it meant that I’ll have a camera put up my bum, so doctors can have a look around.
I was imagining a massive Polaroid camera that they’ll insert up there, only for it to get stuck, and then every time I fart a photo will come out.
But apparently, that’s not how a cystoscopy works, but it would make for a funny story, right?
This all began before Christmas when I was experiencing pain in one of my testicles. My doctor performed some tests, and found traces of blood in my urine. He prescribed antibiotics.
A few weeks later I had to provide another urine sample, and there were still traces of blood in it.
My doctor performed a prostate check, which for the uninitiated, means he had to stick his finger up my bum. It would be very easy to insert (so to speak) a joke here, you know, I wouldn’t have minded if he’d asked me first, but I’ll try to restrain myself.
I had to pull my trousers and underwear down, obviously, then lie on my side on the examination table, with my knees tucked up to my chest, to allow the, er, area to be accessible.
He said my prostate felt fine, and then a subsequent blood test also came back fine, but he said because of your age – I’m 43 – I’m going to refer you to the urology department at the hospital.
And, so, that is why I am going to have a cystoscopy, which, by the way, means sticking a camera in my dick and up my urethra to look inside my bladder.
I guess if that camera gets stuck up there, it would bring a whole new meaning to the phrase selfie stick.