So, you’re a parish councillor?

Yes. Yes I am.

Like in The Casual Vacancy? You know, with sex and drugs and death and J K Rowling?

Sadly no it isn’t. Well, there is the occasional death in  the village, but nothing sinister. And people have sex (presumably) but not during meetings, and I have never seen J K Rowling.

How disappointing.

Well, if you’re looking for a live sex show at a parish council meeting then you really are in the wrong place.

No I meant about J K Rowling.

Oh. Sorry.

Regardless, it all sounds very dull, I must say. What do you actually do at these meetings?

We discuss and make decisions about very important topics, such as how often we should cut the grass on the playing field, whether or not we need extra bins for dog poo, what to do about car parking in the village, looking through planning applications, and responding to complaints from residents.

Sorry, you lost me after you said “dog poo”. 

I said that we discuss what to do about car…

OK, I get the gist. How long are these meeting then? A quick ten minutes?

More like three hours.

Did you say three hours? Is that with or without sex and drugs?

Without, obviously. We don’t even get refreshments.

Well fuck that. Goodnight.

Goodnight.