Five years ago I had a camera pushed up my penis and into my bladder.

(Yes, for medical reasons. No, it’s not a hobby.)

And last weekend I had a camera pushed up my bum.

(Yes, for medical reasons. No, it’s not a hobby).

Don’t worry, it wasn’t a chunky polaroid camera, covered in lube, that the nurse forced up there.

(Although that could have been fun; imagine if every time I farted a polaroid photo came out? What kind of selfie would that be?)

I digress. It was a tiny camera (although it still felt big) that was pushed all along my colon, right up to the area near my appendix.

A colonoscopy is a weird experience, for sure. I mean, it’s not everyday (I hope it’s not everyday) that a medical professional sticks a camera up your bum and carries on talking to you as if this is completely normal behaviour, while they give you a guided tour of your colon.

Here’s an American doctor explaining the whole thing:

It was certainly an unpleasant experience, but not as bad as I was expecting.

The worst part? Drinking a lot of laxatives the day before, and not being able to eat for almost 24 hours. Oh, and the horrible pair of shorts they make you wear. You know the ones: blue, disposable, ill-fitting and with a hole at the back…

Are you ready for your close-up?

#ThankYouNHS