Selfie Stick: a medical misadventure

Yesterday my penis became a selfie stick.

No, that’s not a euphemism or a Lady Gaga lyric. It’s true.

Following previous tests, my doctor sent me to hospital for a cystoscopy.

What is a cystoscopy?

A doctor inserts a camera into the bladder to have a good look around.

How does the camera get in there?

There’s no delicate way to say this. The camera gets fed through the urethra, which means it got inserted up my penis. Hence, it became a selfie stick, to allow the camera to look inside my body.

I was happy that it was a small camera, and not some massive thing on a tripod.

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Image: pxhere

I had a letter telling me where to go and what to bring

I had read it, but hadn’t paid any attention.

As I was sitting in the waiting room, I read it again.

It said please bring a urine sample to the appointment. Did I bring one? No, I did not.

Fortunately, I had a ready supply of urine inside me, so that was OK.

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Image: Pixabay

The letter told me to bring slippers and a dressing gown

Did I bring these items? No, I did not. After a quick panic, a member of staff assured me that I could borrow two hospital gowns instead. You know, one to cover the front and one to cover the back.

In the event, I don’t know why the gowns were necessary, because all dignity flew out the window.

The Procedure

I had to recline on a bed, and lift up the gown to expose myself to everyone in the room. There were three female nurses and one male doctor.

A cold local anaesthetic gel was applied to my penis, and then they inserted the camera.

I didn’t need to see what was going on, because I could feel it. It went further and further inside me until it reached my bladder.

It was painful.

The doctor asked would you like to see inside your bladder? so I turned to look at the screen, and saw what looked like lots of blood vessels.

It looks completely normal he said; my bladder is happy and healthy.

Oozing out

Then he pulled the camera out, and I felt as if I was going to pee all over the bed.

Some anaesthetic gel oozed out, and the doctor gave me tissues to clean myself up.

Then it was over. I removed the gowns, got dressed, and went home, feeling slightly unwell.

7 comments

  1. Ouch. Sound like something you would have to endure in a horror movie. It does sound odd that you would be expected to bring your specimen, dressing gown and slippers. Having to tote in an old mayo jar of urine would be a bit awkward. Glad everything turned out ok.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m actually squirming and feeling like I need a wee at the same time. Glad everything went ok. Shame they didn’t find anything funny as that could have been £250 from You’ve Been Framed lol

    Liked by 1 person

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